When you first begin meditating on your thoughts toward your mother, you will first turn your heart toward your birth mother to try to feel your mother's love, but this method will not be sufficient when it comes to the point of asking, "What is mother's warmth? What is mother's love?" What you feel at the initial stage of mother's meditation is likely closer to maternal instinct. I am guessing that the gentleness you feel of your mother having bore you, the feeling of comfort and security of being in your mother's arms, and the feeling of completely depending on your mother as an infant, are all very close to maternal instinct.
However, it is still critical to spread this warmth in your heart. If your heart remains without belief in mother's warmth, one day the dark energy in your heart may suddenly surface, and you will be left with no way to respond. Once this happens, you may tell yourself that you must look at your heart, and make an attempt to reflect on your heart, but these physical attempts to suppress your energy will be completely ineffective. Your physical body will be controlled by your own energy. You will say things that you never intended to say, do things that you do not intend to do, and yet, you yourself will not even know why. This event may start with something very small. It does not really matter what the trigger is. For those who are able to think in that instant of their mother and feel their mother's warmth, they will feel love toward the dark energy in their heart that surfaces. Even if their actions are physically the same, at that moment, the quality of the energy will have already changed. It is a joy to express the dark energy, and it is a joy to have the opportunity to express it. It will not ever remain as pain. That is the result of having continued to meditate on your mother.
You will spread that maternal instinct-like mother's warmth throughout yourself, and continue even further with your meditation. At some point, without your notice, the image of your birth mother will have disappeared. You will feel even deeper the love from your mother. At the same time your heart will start to turn toward "Tomekichi Taike." You will feel like calling out, "Tomekichi Taike." You will start to sense that you had been seeking "Tomekichi Taike" in the depth of your heart. Although you felt so strongly like yelling, "Get away from me! Get out of my face! I hate looking at you!" you will find that a part of you that feels completely contrary, a part of you that had been searching, just searching for that same "Tomekichi Taike" that you had been pushing away.
By the way, I want to make it clear here, that this "Tomekichi Taike" does not refer to the physical person, Tomekichi Taike. This "Tomekichi Taike" here is more like a code or direction marker, it may be better comprehended as simply phonetic rather than a name. In other words, we are referring to the vibrations or feelings of my non-physical self, which can be emitted and felt through my physical self as "Tomekichi Taike." But please don't get stuck on this matter too much.
This is discussed in the next chapter, but you will have an opportunity to look into my eyes during your meditation on Tomekichi Taike. Through my eyes you will begin to see your true Self. And it will become a joy for you to look at your Self, to reflect on your Self. You will begin to understand that it is because you have this warmth and love that you are able to face and feel your own dark energy, no matter how terrible that energy is. You should be able to sense that my eyes are directing you toward one clear direction. I sincerely hope from my heart that you will fully take the opportunity to feel the joy of looking into and meeting my eyes.