The one closest to the gods.
The one most beloved by the gods.
That is how I was revered and worshipped by those around me.
That memory remains vividly in my heart.
I held onto the belief that I had been chosen by the gods with fierce, unyielding intensity—until the very end of my life.
And then, I fell—headlong into the pitch-black depths of my own darkness.
There was nothing there. Truly nothing.
Yet from within that nothingness, my suffering emerged and engulfed me.
I grew cold—so cold that I froze and froze again, shrinking into a tight, hardened shell.
What was it that I had taken such pride in?
What was it that I had clung to so desperately?
There was a voice that gently reached out to my heart:
"Think of your mother. Try to remember your mother."
But I could not. I could not bring myself to think of my mother.
To me, I had no mother. No, more precisely, I wished to believe I had none.
The truth was too unbearable: that mother of mine, in comparison to the great and glorious self I believed myself to be,
was far too shabby—unthinkably so.
She was a pitiful woman, and I could not accept her as my mother.
I could not allow myself to remember her.
Thus, the heart of Himiko remained shrouded in utter darkness.
This Himiko—unwilling or unable to remember her mother—has existed across vast spans of time.
She continues to exist in the universe even now.
And it is to that very heart of Himiko that I send this message:
"The joy and warmth in my heart, and the joy and warmth in yours—they are the same.
They were always there, within us.
We are one.
Surely your mother tried to tell you that, in her own way.
But you clung to the identity of Himiko, a mere body of flesh.
You could not free yourself from that narrow shell.
Since then, you've taken on physical form countless times—through endless reincarnations.
And yet, your heart remained frozen in that same deep blackness.
I now speak these words to you:
To release the heart of Himiko from within you—that is your true joy.
That is your happiness.
And that is the only way for you to truly save yourself."
Though the pain remains, I now feel a strong desire to speak—to speak of the grave errors I have made.
To turn my heart toward Himiko.
Is it truly possible that I am now being allowed to give voice to such things within myself?
I have carried the consciousness of Himiko with me for so long, and in such abundance.
Himiko, you continue to insist that you were chosen by the gods.
That belief remains firmly rooted in your heart.
But then I must ask—who are these gods you speak of?
What exactly do you mean by "god"?
To you, god is a magnificent, all-encompassing being of vast power.
A god unseen by the eye.
So when I heard the voice within me declare that I had been chosen by such a god,
I believed I could become a god myself.
I believed I was a divine incarnation.
I believed the divine resided within me.
To be one with god—yes, the longing I felt for god was profoundly noble.
With this power, I believed I could rule all.
No—perhaps not rule, but guide.
Yes, I truly believed I could lead the world to joy.
By bringing all things beneath my protection, my divine power would give rise to happiness in this world.
That is why I came to equate power with godhood.
I cannot explain it in concrete terms,
but I held the belief in god deeply within me.
To me, god was sacred—untouchable, incorruptible.
I believed I was god's incarnation.
I exalted myself as a sublime being, possessing a noble and exalted heart.
To me, I was god.
And as god's representative, I believed it was my role to rule over all things.
My existence was vast and magnificent.
Carrying this belief, I engaged with all people as such.
Even though my heart overflowed with suffering,
I never recognized it for what it was.
I simply continued to believe in the voice of god rising from within me.
I was a fool—blinded by my own conviction.
Only after discarding my physical body did I begin to understand.
This "god" I had held onto…
This "god" I had believed in…
What, truly, was the source of my suffering?
What is this suffering?
Even now, I can scarcely find words to speak it aloud.
My heart continues to harden in silence.
Today, I have spoken of Himiko's heart.
But what I've described is not limited to the specific consciousness known as Himiko.
These are thoughts that resonate with all those who have ever believed in a "god" within themselves.
And now, in this life, we have been born into the flesh once more.
We have been guided to meet the vibrations of joy and warmth—
through Tomekichi Taike, through Albert.
This is an event of immense, immeasurable significance.
Every time I feel the heart of Himiko,
I cannot help but feel the deep gratitude and joy of being able to call out the names "Tomekichi Taike" and "Albert"—
to turn the needle of my heart in their direction.
And so, with my heart firmly directed toward them—toward love—
I embrace the thoughts of Himiko within me,
and I feel the joy of being able to share with her this warmth and joy.
I want to share it.
No—I must share it.
That is the feeling that wells up from within me.
To share is my joy.
To bring even a fragment of joy, of warmth, of peace—of true happiness—into the heart of Himiko,
and to call out together: Let us return home—back to our true origin.
With this thought, I continue to send forth my energy.
After so long—so very long—a time has finally come
in which I can gaze upon the energy long cultivated in my heart,
and see it clearly in the light.
For this, I am truly, deeply grateful.