I feel the hearts of the shrine maidens—those who earnestly and desperately trained themselves to hear divine revelations, to attune their hearts to the voice of God.
To these souls, I asked the question:
"What is God? Does God truly exist?"
And the response came:
"For the first time… for the very first time, I have asked myself such a question.
What truly is God? Does God actually exist in this world?
Never once before had such doubt arisen within me.
I had always believed without question that God existed, that my purpose was to receive and convey God's messages.
I believed this deeply and absolutely.
Without that belief, I would have had no self to hold on to.
That is how much I clung to the idea of God.
That was the answer that echoed back to me as I continued seeking God.
I trained myself to hear God's voice."
I could feel the desperation in their hearts—desperation arising from deep suffering, darkness, and isolation as they cried out again and again:
"God… God… God…"
I turned inward and felt my own heart.
Yes, I too have experienced many lifetimes as a shrine maiden.
I have walked that path many times.
I longed to rise to the status of Himiko.
I wanted to be revered as Himiko.
I wanted to rise through my spiritual power.
And in that desire, I have come to feel the pain of my past self.
In this lifetime, I have come to fully feel that inner desire.
And I have come to understand—truly understand—that it was wrong.
Deeply wrong.
Now, when I ask myself, "What is God? Does God exist?"—a clear answer emerges from within:
God does not exist.
The "god" we have been seeking is nothing more than an expression of black energy.
We were pursuing something that never truly existed.
And it was the act of seeking that was rooted in darkness.
Why did we seek it?
Because of desire.
We wanted to elevate ourselves.
We wanted to place ourselves above others.
We could not let go of the self.
Instead, we upheld it—magnified it—and pursued this illusion of "god" within the energy of competition and struggle.
That energy was completely black.
Utterly dark.
No matter what words were spoken in the name of divine revelation, the energy behind them was black.
This is what I have come to learn in this lifetime.
So when I turn my heart to Himiko, yes, I do speak of her conscious world.
But within me, there is nothing.
Nothing but the simple, unadorned truth:
"That's how it was."
And I speak of it plainly.
Himiko was isolated.
She confined herself within a small, narrow world, endlessly crafting a glorious exterior to hide her inner emptiness.
Such was the sorrowful life of the consciousness called Himiko.
And she is not alone.
All of history's so-called great figures have known the same deep loneliness.
To break down the ego—to dismantle the self—is not easy.
That loneliness cannot be shown on the surface.
It had to be hidden at all costs.
And so it became even more pitiful.
Does God exist? No.
What is God?
The true god is the warmth, joy, expansion, and peace found in our hearts.
It is who we truly are.
We now call that essence Love—
the energy and power of love.
It was what we originally possessed.
It was who we were.
But we abandoned that true self,
and over an incredibly long stretch of time, we sought, accumulated, and clung to black energy and power.