結婚生活10年目、夫が末期肺がんと診断され、余命わずかと告げられました。動揺と死への恐怖の中で、著者は自分に支えとなる「中心棒」がない現実に直面し、母から聞いていた心の学びに初めて足を運びます。
夫の看護は比較的軽く、3か月後に39歳で他界。葬儀や弔いは嫁ぎ先が主導し、著者は淡々と従いましたが、心はすでに新たな方向を見据えていました。夫の死を契機に、マイナスをプラスに転じるべくセミナー参加を生活の中心とし、自らの意識の転回を進めていくことになります。
結婚と家族関係を通じ、形を本物とする人間の愚かさや、真実に触れない限り人間関係が平和に成り得ないことを実感し、翌年、姓を旧姓に戻し、嫁ぎ先を離れ、身軽となって学びに専心する道へ進んだのです。
In the tenth year of her marriage, the author's healthy husband was suddenly diagnosed with stage-four lung cancer, beyond the reach of surgery. The news brought shock, fear, and the awareness that she had no inner foundation—no "central pillar" to support her. While her mother-in-law turned to rituals and prayers, the author looked inward. She realized that self-reliance and personal effort could not change the reality of death. Recalling her mother's mention of a "study of the heart," she attended a session the very next day—not to save her husband, but to find guidance for herself.
Her husband's illness required little care, and three months later, at 39, he passed away. The funeral and memorial were handled by her in-laws, which she accepted without objection. By then, her focus had shifted toward transforming this loss into a turning point—moving from seeing the physical world as ultimate to recognizing the primacy of consciousness.
Marriage had shown her the complexity of relationships—especially with her husband's family—and the futility of trying to create harmony while seeing others only as physical beings. She began to understand that without touching the world of truth, human ties remain bound by form and easily distort.
Within a year of her first seminar, she joined a program in the United States. With no children, she reverted to her maiden name and left her marital home, free to devote herself to spiritual study. She did not see herself as a tragic widow, but as someone living out a planned part of her life's "scenario"—a moment meant to guide her toward the joy of aligning with truth.